Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Living lonely

I'm living, I'm back in life, but I'm lonely. I have reached out to a couple of my friends, and they have had some excuse. One didn't even have the decency to call to tell me she wasn't coming and sent it through my brother. Everyone is busy, everyone has a life, everyone sees friends and hangs out and enjoys themselves. The closest thing I have had is an almost hang out with a friend. I have only seen my friends the two times I went back to school since I got back from UNI, I haven't hung out with anyone besides older people and courtney, and I'm getting sick of it. I don't see anyone I don't talk to anyone, I don't have any friends my age really, except for a couple of people I can send letters to as my ONLY source of communication. LETTERS! That's all. And my wonderful cousin Courtney, but she also has her own life, she's busy she's got friends, and she lives a good twenty minutes away.

I've tried. I've called people. I've e-mailed, I've left messages, I've sent messages through my brother, and still I haven't really seen anyone. It used to be I was on the phone with someone every night and I hung out with someone at LEAST twice a week, and I didn't want to go to dance so that I could hang out with my friends. Now I don't hang out, I've have called my friends a total of like six times, and I love dance because there is ONE girl there who I am KIND OF friends with. That's it. I write in my journal, I think about my UNI friends alot, I IMAGINE seeing my other friends, but I never do. It's like I am the one person left in my circle of friends, and I'm trying to build a new one from HOMESCHOOL with people I can't even TALK to.

I'm trying to get a party going, but I don't know who will come if anyone will and the people I know will come, I'm not sure if I'm even ALLOWED to invite them. So yeah, I'm alive, I'm getting back into life, Things are going better, but it still sucks.


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