Wednesday, June 17, 2009


It's logical that my parents don't think I should have my UNI friends, but I still miss them like crazy. One of my Bff's dished the gossip about my location to about 30 people who then sent it around the school and then some. I got angry and so did she, so currently my only friends are 1) a boy I've only met through text, 2) a bunch of really amazing people I can't talk to, and 3) my family. The boy isn't much of a talker and I can't text him (Phone shut off x_x), I obviously can't to talk to my amazing friends, and my Family, uh yeah right. They are so going to be the people I want to go to the mall with. NOT.
The problem isn't loneliness though. I can live with it, but I just really miss my main friends there. Conner, Jess, Meg, Bob, and me were inseparable, and at least two of us were always together. We supported each other, we helped each other get out, we helped stop each others tears. We had two main songs we liked to listen to at UNI. One was called "Petals" and it is just a short thing that Meg and I came up with and they had me sing all the time, and the second was a catchy but rather inappropriate rap song. Everyone wanted to read whatever I was currently writing, we were always doing puzzles and playing favorites. This is something we came up with were the first person asks what a single person's favorite something is, and the first person to get it right got to pick someone. We tossed balls back and forth, we played a lot of mini football, we listened to music as much as possible, we talked about our lives outside of Uni, we played card games, and most of all, we knew the most sensitive info about each other and helped each other with it.
Meg was my roommate and one of the most amazing people ever to live. She was fun and silly and really easy to talk to. She helped me write some and she was the one that broke the rules, one time when I was sobbing uncontrollably, and hugged me until the tears stopped. She was really good at cards and loved music.
Conner was a great friend who really supported me and tried to get me to believe in myself. He loved to do odd dances like "Water" and "glow-stick" but it was really cool. He was more into dancing than anything else and he was really funny.
Jess was the person I supported the most. she was really fun and had a lot of good ideas. She could talk for forever and she had really cute style. She was amazing.
Bob. My BEST friend at UNI. I told him everything and he helped me. Everyone has someone standing behind them every step of the way to getting out, whether staff, patient, or doctor. Mine was a patient who really helped me. He was funny about his hair. He had to have it wet and he shook it like a dog. It made us all laugh. He was good at cards, and he was the only person who ever got it right on me when playing favorites. He helped me with puzzles and would be the one telling me to stop lying when I seemed ok but I really wasn't. He made me get out there and help myself. He said a lot of things that I have taken to heart. He is great
Most of all, the people there became like family to me and now when I can't talk to them it feels like a part of my life, a part of my happiness has been ripped away from me and I can't stand it. I missed them so much that I hummed and sang Petals 45 times today and wrote poems about them each. I hope I get to see them eventually because I really love them and They are amazing people. They are the people I wanted to call when me and Kam fought. I just really miss them and really want to see them. I wonder if maybe I shouldn't have let myself get so close to them. Maybe I should have stayed aloof where this not seeing them and not knowing them wouldn't hurt so much. Maybe, I should have never even tried to get to know them, and I shouldn't have let them closer into my life, past the shield I put everyone else outside of. Maybe making friends isn't a good idea for me. I always lose them somehow. Maybe I should never let anyone get close enough to hurt me when I lose them.

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